Life is Relationship
Central Theme: "The External World is the Reflection of Internal World"
In this topic of Life is Relationship, teachings of Amma Bhagavan can be seen that are embedded in it and the topic is revolved around the Central Theme. So we need to be reminded about the fact that our "External world is nothing but manifestation of our inner world".
1. What is relationship?
How do we define our existence? Whenever a child is born the child gets related to a father, mother, sisters, brothers, grandfather and grandmother instantly. Without which the child doesn't exist. Similarly as we keep growing we keep on adding to this list of relationships and for example, student, Teacher, friend, colleagues etc. Subsequently we become wife of someone or husband of someone. Thus we are into a spiral pool of relationships. That is why our Success, Failure, Sufferings, Money, poverty all is directly related to our Relationship.
2. What we expect in our relationship?
Every one of us at all level expects LOVE, AFFECTION & COMPASSION from the other person in relationship. In spiritualism, all can be grouped to one single word "IMPORTANCE". So in other words we expect importance in relationship. The expression of showing importance could be different, for example hugging, kissing, giving gifts, serving food, patting the backs, giving rewards, declaring recognition, and so on so forth. So when we don't receive the importance in relationship, our relationship starts developing cracks
3. Why relationships fail? Because we don't receive the expected importance and as a result we start Judging or being judged, we loose Trust, we get betrayed or betray others, we hurt others or get hurt, etc ...etc.
4. When relationship fails, what happens? We loose LOVE in relationship. So we look for love elsewhere? Do we really get our broken love back from else where? No, because all of us are having relationship problem due to lack of importance in our relationship and we all look like beggars of love & importance. It is like one beggar begging another. Thus diversion in life takes place. Bad circle, bad habits, lack of concentration, financial loss, and all kind of sufferings. These sufferings could be as follows:
(a) Physical suffering
(b) Financial Suffering
(c) Psychological Suffering
5. What we generally do?
- We generally start accusing fingers on others
- We try to change the other/opposite person
- In other words, we seek external solution. It is like peeling an onion. Read the example of Bhagavan given at the end
- Not able to change the other person in our relationship, we manage our sorrow, avoid circumstances and condition ourselves to proceed in life. This course of our action is generated primarily because we are very afraid to experience the pain in our relationship. That is what we have been doing over the century. We hurt others & get hurt, accuse others & get accused, grudge others & being grudged by others and when we suffer we manage very effectively and keep suffering.
6. What is the way out?
- What we don't do? Experience the Relationship.
- How do we experience the Relationship? By facing the other person and listening
- What is listening? Listening is done inwardly to discover and know the disturbances that are being created inwardly while experiencing the other person you hate the most. We have to watch various negative vibes or ripples that are created inside while interacting with the other person to whom we don't like at all or we don't enjoy the relationship.
- When we listen or we discover the negative feelings happening inside us getting focused to our negative vibes, we will also suddenly discover our need in that relationship and simultaneously, we may also discover opposite persons need.
- Then next thing is to act on to the need of our, that we have discovered, in other word we express our need to the other person that he/she may have neglected. Similarly, we also act upon the need of other person.
- During this process of listening, we must not judge the other person and be critical about it.
7. How do we correct our relationship & what all relationships we must correct?
When it comes to the correcting our relationship Bhagavan advises to correct the following relationship first.
These relationships are core of all disturbances. It has been observed that
(a) Bad relationship with Father leads to relationship problem with Husband leads to relationship problem with Brothers or Male Colleague or Boss and leads to Financial Problem
(b) Bad relationship with Mother leads to relationship problem with Sisters or Mother-in-law or Lady Colleagues and leads to Court cases/Litigations
(c) Bad relationship with Husband leads to Instability or lack of concentration and leads to Health Problem or Financial Crisis
(d) Bad relationship with Wife leads to Bad circle or Bad habits and that leads to Lack of confidence or Loss in business or Loss of Job and that leads to Severe Financial crisis
"If we correct our inner world, our external world automatically get corrected"
- Sit erect in a comfortable posture and close your eyes
- Invoke the Presence of Amma Bhagavan or your God in your heart
- Imagine the face of your Mother/Father/Husband/Wife/Child from whom you are most hurt and you want to correct the Relationship
- Try to recollect incidents which were painful, if required take the help of Amma Bhagavan
- Start experiencing the pain and be in the pain
- While in pain forgive him/her completely. If not possible, pray helplessly Amma Bhagavan to help you to forgive the person.
- Remember how much he or she helped you, when you were in need and thank him/her
- Thank Amma Bhagavan or your God to have helped you to forgive the other person.
- Remember what Bhagavan says
"When you suffer and forgive, you abide in Me and I abide in you. Thus your human qualities get transformed to Devine"
What Bhagavan Says about setting right Relationships......
One of the fundamental teachings of the Oneness University is to set right relationships. Exactly how can we improve or set right our relationships?Bhagavan:
"It is essential for you to first understand that " Life is relationships". Now coming to your question how to improve relationships? The problem of relationships cannot be solved through psychology. All effort to understand the other person completely can never help. It is like peeling an onion. As you go on peeling an onion nothing remains. Say, you are eating khova (a south Indian sweet dish), you don't try to understand, but just experience the eating of khova. In the same way, you need to experience the other person just as he or she is.
A husband trying to analyze or understand his wife will take him nowhere. "Analysis leads to paralysis". Everybody is constantly trying to understand, analyze, judge others while struggling to change the other person. Unfortunately, people fail to realize that this is impossible as all of you are like computers who have been programmed and hence have no free will of your own. Your past lives, birth traumas, childhood, education, culture and all your conditionings are in possession of you and your lives. Your life flows according to this program.
So, when you are trying to understand and change the other person; it is only one program trying to alter another program. This game goes on from birth to death. Supposing you are going to a movie everyday, hoping that there will be a new ending, a new climax. Will it really change? All of you are trying to change each other in the same way!
What you need to do is experience the other person fully.
When the husband returns home to find his wife screaming; he must experience her like watching a movie or drinking a glass of juice. What happened? Why it happened? Why is her nature that way cannot be really known. Remember, it is like peeling an onion.
If you experience - life becomes Joy!
It does not matter what the event is. You have to only experience the program. Stop judging and being critical. When you experience the other person, you would know exactly how to respond.
Abraham Lincoln was shot. Who is to be blamed? The person who shot him, the person who made the gun, or the person who invented it or somebody else. No person can really be blamed, for, a situation is dependent on so many factors. It is not possible to pinpoint a single reason. If you look at The Bible, it also tells us "Judge not least ye be judged".
Unless something happens to the program itself, say through Grace, nothing can change. If the wife screams, experience it... is it possible? Thousands have done it. It is simple and practical. If you experience people, your heart flowers and synchronizes with Earth's heartbeat. My Grace flows and your problems would be solved.
If you don't set right your relationships, I really cannot help you to the extent I want to help you. So start experiencing people and events."