Wednesday, May 28, 2008

How to Heal Relationship Problems

A Spiritual Explanation
How to Heal Relationship Problems

By Krishnaraj Dasaji – a Dasa (Guide) from Golden City, South India

When having relationship problems, you need to actually start opening up to yourself, because there is a very major part of ourselves that we're not aware of. What we have failed to see about ourselves is a major portion of our lives, and that has to be unveiled and has to be experienced.

Amma Bhagavan's grace will help you unveil it and help you experience it.

People also must know that they're not being subjected to a punishment or some kind of mental torture. It is more like a healing process to help them. This knowledge can help you to actually experience the whole process without resisting or fighting it.

Every time you go through a relationship problem, you actually get to see more of yourself. It's not that you're getting to see something about the other person, you're only getting to see that side of you that is hurt, that which wants love, which wants attention, which cannot forgive, which is not accepted, which feels rejected. It is these things that you are getting to see about yourself when going through a relationship problem.

It is something that you have to process through, otherwise how long can this be kept swept under the carpet--how long can this be suppressed? You have to let Divine Grace put you through this.

Please know full well that you are not being judged or condemned by the Divine when you're being put through such a process. You are only being helped. This is a healing process to help you grow in relationship with the Divine, and grow in love and joy.

As you start accepting all this within yourself, you are truly finally accepting the other person also. All of us tend to think that talking with the other person, or reasoning with them, or applying some principle is going to help us. That is not the truth. You can only know and accept the resistance you have to that relationship.

When you say you have a relationship problem, please understand that you are not having a problem with the relationship or the other person; you are only having a problem within yourself. You are only having a problem accepting all this reality about yourself--that you may be a person who craves attention, who has still not forgiven, who feels guilty about your past, or who is unable to stop hating someone, etc.

The other person is immaterial, and who he or she is isn't what is making you uncomfortable. How you experience him or her within you is the cause of your relationship problem. And that is what has to be experienced. So in every crisis you are only getting to see more of yourself. It has nothing to do with the other person.

As you start facing the truth of your own resistance, it starts the melting of it under the heat of your awareness.



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Contemplative Questions

Here is a set of questions that would provoke you and put you through some soul searching. They are not about religion nor about ethics. They are merely about you.

They are not meant to serve as solutions nor are they meant to lead you anywhere. These questions are meant to serve as tools to discovering yourself.

1) Do you perceive the Presence of a benevolent force guiding, protecting and shaping your life? What name do you give that Presence? When did you best feel this Presence?

2) What is your opinion of God? Is your opinion drawn from religion, books, parents and or your personal experience of life?

3) Do you pray? Do they get answered? How often?

4) Do you think it is possible to relate to the Divine? What relationship would you opt?

5) Here is a story for you - Two fierce enemies once did a penance to placate god and receive boons vying with each other. God appeared to the first man and asked what he wanted. He said "give me twice of whatever you give my enemy". Then God appeared to the second one. Even before God could say anything he asked, "God, would you please tell me what my enemy asked for? On knowing his prayer request, he said, "then God, blind me in one eye."
Now what would you wish for yourself, your best friend and your worst enemy if God gave you a chance?

6) Have you ever experienced a coincidence or chance that seems to have involved so many people and factors that you can't stop wondering if a mastermind was behind this operation? If yes, do you savour the experience often and have you shared it with someone close to you?