Dear ones,
Bhagavan shared about the intensity of growth happening now and the next years. It is a focus on the 64,000 people to be ONE, to be free from old domination, to help whole mankind in stabilization, to set creation free also and to help to grow for All-that-is...
Some of us are undergoing intense times, where personal fixations and old
connections are falling away in a dramatic way. Some try desperately to hold and grasp the old aspects, to bind people again, to make sure that
connections are fixed - and they try to step back into the past, living the
past now and forever. The process is different: To be free, all past will
release - to live totally open with all potential in the Now again and again
and again... In this openness, with no past dominating, all is possible -
all potential is experienced...
As the process might be intense, i feel to share another part of the
practical and helpful book from Llewellyn Vaughan-Llee, some wonderful Sufi people brought into this life of me. May be it is of help for you - to
encourage to let go, to become free from charges... To really, really live
in freedom...
In the One Heart...
Rosie Janée
From Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee: "The Face Before I was Born. A Spiritual Autobiography"
(The circle of divine love is always present within the heart. The journey of the mystic is to retrace this circle and so experience the oneness that is hidden within us. In this book Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, Sufi, he takes us deep into the mystical secret of being lost in God, to the center of the circle where the lover merges into the Beloved and the heart´s deepest truth is revealed.)
Purification and Rebirth
(...) But as the days began to unfold I felt an intense introversion of my energy and focus take place. (...) my attention was drawn more and more inward, deeper and deeper. There was a sense of uncovering a timeless, ancient part of myself, and entering a world far away from that of a college student. As my attention was drawn inward, so energies began to flow around my body, and my consciousness would follow this flow. Then this flow of energy which held my attention started to encounter psychological blocks and hidden pain. What had begun as a simple introversion of energy changed into the most painful and trans-formative two weeks I have ever known.
I felt a need, an intense drive to stay with the energy and it uncovered these hidden layers of pain. I knew that my consciousness was vital to the process, that I had to willingly go into the agony that was being touched. But the nature of my attention was also important. I discovered that it was not enough just to be with the pain, just to experience the block. Within the pain, within the block, I had to focus on the beyond, and throw my self, my whole being, into the emptiness beyond the mind and beyond myself. As I went deeper and deeper into myself this required intense effort, a greater inner effort that I had ever experienced. Instinctively we avoid pain; but not only did I need to voluntarily experience the pain, I had to stay within the pain and then use every ounce of energy to take it into the beyond, to offer it up to His essential emptiness.
How did I know what to do? In each moment there were two alternatives, avoid the process or focus inwardly on the nothingness which I instinctively knew was Rael. A combination of consciousness and an inner commitment drew me into this process and guided me along the maze of agony. There was no desire in me to realize or reach anything, no feeling that I was doing this because it was spiritual. A different process had taken over in which there was only the need of the moment, the call to exert myself more than I had ever believed possible. And as the days passed by the processs became more and more intense, more and more painful, more and more demanding. (...) I stayed inside, often lying down for hours. And each hour I thought, I can only manage it for a littler bit longer, the end is just around the corner. And then the next hour came, and the next.
The pain I felt was far deeper and more potent than any physical pain I have ever encountered. It seemed to belong to the very nerves of my psyche. This pain was not about something, about being rejected or being abondoned. That would have made it easier. Instead it was the essence of suffering, pure inner psychic pain, pure agony. If I withdrew my consciousness, my inner effort, the pain stopped. I would focus on the beyond, on the inner goal, for as long as I could bear it, maybe thirty seconds or a minute. Then I would be left quaking. But I KNEW with the knowledge that comes from somewhere, certainly not from the mind or ego, that I had to continue. This process was more important than life itself. I din´t know why. I just felt that the whole dignity of myself demanded this work, this tremendous effort.
I would pause a little to eat and I had a few hours of sleep each night. After about ten days I felt that the process was reaching some point of completion, though what was being completed I did not know. The Sufis talk about the work of "polishing the mirror of the heart", cleansing the impurities of the nafs (added: lower ego self) or lower self. Something was being cleansed, cleansed with pain and inner fire. It was the most concentrated, intensely painful time I have ever experienced, in which while I cried out for release there was a deeper and stronger calling to focus on the beyond WHATEVER IT COST.
I do not remember any comforting presence, any inner reassurance. All that I was aware of was my own ruthless desire, relentless drive, that pushed me through every barrier. It was pain upon pain, not light upon light. There was no warmth of love, no taste of bliss. Just the agony of purification and the timelessness of the inner world. I would think that it couldn´t get worse, the pain level could in no way increase, and then the inner pain increased. Sometimes there were moments of inner space, a resting place. But then the drive to the beyond would push me out of this empty oasis, into the desert and the burning.
The process intensified as it reached its culmination. In moments of despair I cried out to my Sheikh (Master); my heart called and called. Every muscle, the whole fabric of my psyche, every cell of my being was stretched. Then there were glimpses of something beyond this process, a peace that belonged to the other world. I began to feel the presence of my Sheikh, him whom I loved and feared. I sensed that he was guiding this process, giving me an opportunity, an opening to something. The ancient spiritual training in which the disciple is pushed beyond every extreme was being lived within me, but only because I was being held by him.
Then he was suddenly in my heart and in a moment of simple wonder he made me conscious that I AM A SOUL. This consciousness would stay with me for the rest of my life, the KNOWING that I am not just a physical, mental, or emotional being, bound by time and space, that my ego-identity is just a small part of my whole being. (...) Knowing that I am a soul, I know that I belong somewhere else, that I have come to this planet for a purpose, to do a certain work.
Spiritual awakenings are so simple that there is little to say, but the wonder was beyond anything, beyond any pain I may have experienced. Spiritual processes are like childbirth. The agony is often intense, but in the moment of birth the agony vanishes as the mother sees her new child. The intense two weeks of suffering left no trace, no residue. There was no resentment, only the wonder at what had been given, what had been revealed. I felt that I must go to see Mrs. Tweedie and share this wonder with her, for she was the only person who could understand, who could recognize the miracle. I left the house, the womb of my rebirth. I had no idea that the process had only begun.
